Ad agencies must think we have bananas for brains. For example:
- Take that ad where two young men wrestle over the last corn chip. They knock over lamps, demolish furniture, bash in a wall and roll into their neighbor’s apartment, where people are placidly eating a carry-out order with lots of corn chips. Grown men fighting like that over corn chips? My mother would send them to their rooms.
- There’s the ad where a couple crash through the front wall of their lovely suburban colonial just to call an insurance company. Since they plan to sell the house, wouldn’t they think before wrecking it? And since they caused the damage, would that insurance they’re buying actually pay for it?
- There’s the ad where two young women need a third roommate to help pay the rent, so they bring in a crooked-nosed hag with a cluster of cats who suddenly turns one of the roommate’s faces into that of a feline. This actually sells something?
- Ditto people standing on a pier across from the Statue of Liberty. One sap flings his cellphone into the water in frustration, then instantly regrets it. Duh!
- There’s the self-absorbed young man who ambles down a city street relying on Alexa to run his life. I wish she’d tell him to take a bath, get a haircut, find a job and get off my TV set.
- Ads for prescription medicines list so many suspicious side effects — these medicines might kill you! — that I’d steer clear. Sure, federal laws require pharmaceutical companies to list the side effects of their products, but doctors will warn patients about all that before writing the prescription — if they write it, of course. Doctors, not patients, have the final say.
- Walk-in bathtubs look appealing, but wait. You have to get into the tub before you can fill the tub, so you’d sit there shivering while you wait for the tub to fill. Ditto when the bath is finished. You can’t climb out until the tub is empty, so you’d again sit there shivering waiting for the water to go down the drain.
Sure, you could skip the wait and just climb out, but you can do that in your ordinary bathtub, so why spend money on this one?
- I don’t believe it when Chevrolet says its ads use “real people” and are practically unrehearsed. These amateurs don’t notice the cameras, the lights, the staging and other painstaking details involved in filming a commercial? They haven’t seen the script? Besides, actors are “real people,” too.
- Finally, some ads are fun, like the ones featuring Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers (and sometimes the Kansas City Chiefs’ Patrick Mahomes) dealing with that buffoon sports agent.
- Sure, I’m a Cleveland native, but I like the ads showing Cleveland Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield treating 68,000-seat Cleveland Browns stadium as his own home. He has to call for help when a toilet is clogged or figure out what switch in that stadium went bad when a light goes out. They’re fun.
- I enjoy the wireless/cable TV ads showing doctors, income tax accountants, parachute instructors and other professionals acting like buffoons. I never get tired of these.
- The Allstate ads with that smarmy creep who tailgates, pretends to be a St. Bernard puppy and parks cars are clever and amusing.
- Chick-fil-A ads are prize-winning. They use a simple set to tell true, heartwarming stories about Chick-fil-A employees going out of their way to help customers.
- Progressive Insurance and Flo usually are humorous, especially that parody of the film “Field of Dreams,” with Flo and friends stepping out of the corn.
- But that ad insisting that you can fill a washer with enough detergent to last 40 loads makes me groan. If putting soap into the washing machine is that much of a nuisance, we spoiled Americans are in serious trouble.